You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
