Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
