okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
