there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Sext me about skeletons
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
