I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
