Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
True strength comes from lack of pants
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
