It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
