found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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