Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
