you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
