Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
