You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
