dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
