dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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