the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
