my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Randomize
