Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
