My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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