make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
