I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I'm jealous of your bromance
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
