I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
