his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
