Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
