you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Randomize
