true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
In America we eat man semen.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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