Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
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