I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
