You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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