I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
