I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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