I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
