Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
