Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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