I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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