I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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