Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
