Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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