the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
