my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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