He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
