Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
