Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
So many bounce houses so little time
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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