Kiss
Puke
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
