You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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