I need to stop coming to work sober
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He better not be in your backpack
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
