What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
