there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
