At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
