He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
