I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
